High Desert Outback of the American Dream 7-15-2015 (U-News)
I was shaving so I'd look less like a werewolf on Sam Shad's show
when it hit me: Democrats need Donald Trump.
better than me to make the case? After all, didn't I start the None
of the Above for Governor Political Action Committee in 1982?
Didn't we successfully embarrass both Gov. List the Lustful
and President Ronald the Vague on their way to a joint appearance
at UNR? (See below.) Didn't NAGPAC force
changes in the List administration's abominable mental health care
system? Didn't my late wife and I end up drinking with the well-armed
Secret Service at Delmar Station Saloon? Didn't those guys help RPD
bust a carjacker in the alley behind the bar one night when we were
there? Didn't I make Reagan's buddy Sen. Paul Laxalt a lame
duck more than two years before he announced his retirement to go
into juice brokerage at a DC law firm?
In the spirit of NAGPAC
and all the NAGPACkians who have departed for the big ballot box in
the sky, it's time to again saddle up and laugh Nevada into reality.
We will take advantage of the seething apathy that acquitted the great
unwashed so well at the 2015 legislative session.
Why support professional
bankruptcy perpetrator Trump? Because he's Nevada's kind of huckster.
Sharron Angle without religion. Michele Fiore without
conviction. And he wears Vegas
hair in the grandest tradition of Democratic LV Mayor Jan Jones
and defrocked Republican Nevada U.S. Senator John Ensign.
If we play it right, he
can be the Ross Perot of 2016 and I am going to encourage him
to do just that. I know he's married so (I hope) he can't make moves
on my fiancée, Assemblymember
Machine Gun Michele Fiore, R-Gomorrah South, but maybe he
can be persuaded to put her on the vice-presidential ticket. Or adopt
her. Anything to get her out of Nevada. (My proposal of marriage still
stands, even if she wants to come to Chapel of the Chimes wrapped
only in a Confederate flag on her back. Or she can drop it.)
Democrats for Trump is extremely democratic. We would be honored to
enlist Republicans, Independents, Whigs, Tories, Labourites, Jacobins,
Jacobites, Confederates, Communists, anarchists (aka Libertarians)
and even Mugwumps to serve the great one's cause. (Would that make
us Trumpwumps?) We don't discriminate for any reason, the least
of which is party affiliation.
The first thing to do when
launching a campaign is to think branding, like on a horse's rump.
This is nothing if not a rump movement, after all. (Go look up the
origin of "mugwump.") The logical logo for Democrats for
Trump would be a bridge. After all, a trump is a very positive term
in the card game of bridge. Mr. Trump is a notorious gambler in every
aspect of his businesses, be it Atlantic City, Gomorrah South or U.S.
Right after I mentioned
the bridge logo on statewide TV, I was contacted by New Jersey
Gov. Chris Christie's campaign. He apparently considers the bridge
as his personal political trademark and would sue me if I used it.
I didn't want to irritate the big guy who apparently wants to have
his cake and eat it, too.
Cake. That's it!
The Democrats for Trump
logo should be a five-layer cake: A white layer on the bottom because
whites are the base of the Republican Party. Another white layer goes
on top because that's where reside the successful over-achieving winners
who The Donald most respects.
The middle layers should
be chocolate, yellow and red velvet cake so that all the voter demographics
are covered. Some of the frosting can be green as a sop to global
I hereby declare the campaign
logo design contest open. The winner will get a nice prize or prizes,
probably lunch with me and another political lowlife or two. My kinda
So there you have it: The
ghost of None of the Above rises from the ashes to bring a homeopathic
remedy to Campaign 2016: Treating burgeoning insanity with more of
the same. A hair-of-the-dog kinda thing for when politics is a bitch.
Who knows? As we said back
in our NAGPAC days, perhaps one day we'll elect the whole horse for
Be well. Raise hell.
Esté bien. Haga infierno.
logo design entries and applications for membership apathetically
Andrew Barbano's Republican Party credentials
memoir from Nevada's undercover Reagan-Bush PR man
updated 6-6-2004 from the 8-2-1992 Daily Sparks Tribune